Success

What's your definition of a success?  I think that's a loaded question and only a novel can answer that thought for me. But let me tell you about the efficacious week I just had.  Really, in global terms, I don't think it really was a success  but maybe I'll think differently once I see everything in black and white.
Right now I am thinking that the only positive part is that I am still alive and kicking since it had been one crazy week. 

Communion times 2 were different and beautiful.  God Bless those kids touched by God.
Mother's Day was a success with brunch on Staten Island and a trip to Pt. Pleasant Beach. Love the beach!
The work week, however productive and memorable, was a feat.  Or was I defeated? 

• A phone conference that lasted 2 hours too long.  Really people, is this good human resource management?
• Late work meeting where buzz words like lever and leverage, used in relation to the pedagogical human capital in my workforce, are being used in every sentence with the hope of having it ingrained in our daily practices.  Really, haven't we all been levers in the organization? Isn't that why you keep us around?
• A evening school visit acknowledging how important the arts are in schools.  And being entertained by dancing children. An alarmingly good and funny experience; No question there.
• A Friday visit to Harlem. And no lunch visit on 125th?

  So, I said I might have a different point of view by now and I do.  For this week, my definition of success was the fact that I was able get up every day and maintain my job responsibilities in a professional manner. 
You agree?

Dwelling on Moments

You always want to remember a day the way that it actually happened, but the truth is that you can't.  Those moments in time are what makes a memory become, what I refer to as, a meta-fiction.  It's the closest to the truth that I can remember.  What's special about meta-fiction is the relationship between creator and created, reality and fantasy, and fiction and truth in which all are all open to exposition.  This makes self-reflection quite difficult though. 
Somebody told me that it's the moments, small increments of time, that fill up the pages of my autobiography.  And I agree; however my interpretation of what happened in those moments might differ from the actualities of those moments and my interpretation of the affects of those moments might differ from future parallel moments.  And what I believed to happen at that moment is not going to be what I remember and capture on the written page.  Thus in turn, my autobiography will become meta-fiction instead a work of non fiction. 
With that said, why does my autobiography have to be non fiction, do you think Ann Frank's Diary was an entirely true account of her moments?  No, it was based on her thoughts about something that happened earlier that day, even five minutes before; it was not written right then and there in the moment.
So I will continue to write my pages based on the moments I remember, without dwelling on the minutia and the distinction between true and false, hopes and facts, me and the meta-fictional character me.

What's the lesson here: A cluster of moments make bigger moments.  And those bigger moments are what makes my story.  My story is me.  Don't dwell on being myself.

Mother's Day

This will be my 3rd Mother's Day celebration thanks to my little man.  May we visit the beach after brunch!

And even though I might have been an "oops" baby, thank you mom for raising me as a single mom. 

And a big thank you to my grandmother, may she rest in peace.  It has been almost 4 years since your death and I still think of you and Aunt Jay daily.  You both were a large part of my life and made me into the strong woman I am today. 

Thank God I had 5 women raise me!